Change

Change is scary.

Too much change is scarier!

I love my job, mainly because my supervisor, treats me more like an equal and we have a great personal relationship both in and out of work. She has involved me in many of her duties and made an effort to help me learn and improve my chances of moving up in our field. She is now a very strong candidate for a position at another school district, making $30,000 a year MORE than she does now, doing half the work load. Her first interview is Wednesday. I am quite confident she will get the job. She knows her stuff and is very personable. On a professional level I am happy for her and want her to move up, on a personal level I am deeply saddened and afraid to see her go.

It has taken me a few weeks to come to terms with the possibility of her leaving. I just keep reminding myself that I am perfectly competent and capable of doing my job without her. Yes I may lose a little of the extra freedom I have now (she is very understanding if I need to take an extra break here and there to run an errand, or take a few minutes extra during lunch for whatever reason), but at least I still have my job. I may not get to be included in the extra trainings and meetings. But I still have my promotion that they gave me last year and I still have my office that I got to move into last month. If I get a crappy boss it will just be more incentive to better myself so I can move on to bigger and better things. Or if they are that crappy, they wont be around for long before someone else comes in to take over. If management wants to add additional duties to my job description, then I will happily take them - providing they come with an appropriate pay increase.

DH's job has been in limbo for the last several years. We have all known this. His boss is very unstable and has only gotten worse in past months and weeks. Last weekend he ended up in a bar fight that put him in the hospital. Two weeks before that he slept off a hang over in his office until 11am, after staying at the shop all night on a drinking binge. He has been very moody and unpredictable. He had another tantrum today and once again told DH that he is "shutting the shop down for good".

I told DH that it is ridiculous to continue to go down with this sinking ship; that he needs to get out there and find something else. He has been assuring me that he "has other things lined up" so now he needs to act on any of them and make it happen. It's not good for either of us to continue to stress and wonder if this one is going to last from one week to the next. Even if it means he has to take a pay-cut. We will manage one way or another. Maybe we could even qualify for another Loan Mod on the mortgage.

I start my bachelors program in a mere 4 weeks and will be busy working toward my degree almost non-stop for the next 2-3 years. When all is said and done I stand to owe approximately $30,000 (plus interest) in student loans. Enough said about that.

To top off everything else, DH has had a small lump on his right hand that developed over the past few months. At our appointment last month, he addressed it with the doctor who referred him to an orthopedic specialist. This morning he saw the specialist, who ordered an out-patient surgery next Thursday to have it removed and biopsied. Standard procedure, I am sure. I am also certain they tell everyone that there is always the possibility that any abnormal lump, bump or lesion could be cancerous. However, having just lost his mom to (among other things) breast cancer, and also having been a cancer survivor once already himself - he became understandably upset at hearing this. I assured him that he will be fine, it will be a minor procedure to remove it and surely the results will come back with a quick "negative". Still...

 

Sometimes change sucks!